Mis-Targeted Poop
Submitted by: Lothar
I was doing some yard work in this guy's backyard one afternoon when the old gut started rumbling, alerting me that within an hour or so it would be time for a little "sit-down session.” The guy who lived at the house came outside right around quitting time and chatted me up for about 20 minutes past my fecal deadline. Then, the next-door-neighbor took up the challenge and kept me there another half-hour.
They finally left me alone and my thoughts quickly returned to porcelain redemption. I'm thinking, "there's a Target store five minutes away - I'll back in for a blowout there!" My gut then interjected that Target wouldn’t be my target for destruction that day – I’d never make it. Scanning my memory for options, I think to myself, "I sure hope that service station on the corner is a two-holer - and if it ain’t, I'm using the sink!"
As I jumped into my truck, it became evident that I wasn't going anywhere until I cut loose with a sphincter-rattling rectal cruise missile. Keep in mind, I wasn't out in the country. There were eight apartment-style condos to my left and three houses to my right. I had to be discreet, but I was quickly losing the battle to keep the beast within.
I decided to open my truck door and use it as a shield - an impromptu stall divider. I procured a "shit ticket" in the form of a handful of fast-food napkins and planned my move. The strategy was to drop trou, spin around and cut loose in a vein straining attempt at a rapid-fire release. By this time I was Prairie Doggin’ big time! Man oh man, it was like I'd just evacuated Grand Central Station! I scraped my butt-hole relatively clean, pulled up my pants and turned around to take measure of my steaming masterpiece.
I looked on the ground and all I saw was a tiny turd that looked as if a Poodle could have squeezed it out. I'm thinking "WTF" when I discovered where the rest of my landmark had gone. It was inside the cab of my truck! I had misjudged the target by about six inches and had decorated the door sill of my truck with a huge, sloppy, stinky load of brown car wax. But I must admit, it was a truly great "air-drop.”
posted by Blue Towel @ 9:21 AM
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