Where I Pooped Today

Hangover Poops

Of course the best poops are always taken at home, especially when alone and without any time constraints. And I’m always amazed at how the “hangover poop” can vary from weekend to weekend. Sometimes it’s the “beer poop” and it’s as if dozens of gummy worms had lubed up with Vaseline prior to the intestinal exodus. Other times you wake up and your body has had to suck moisture from wherever it could find it just to keep basic functions in order. With a mouth lined with what feels like sandy gauze, arid nasal passages cracked and sore and puffy eyes so dry that you can hear them moving in the sockets, you venture to the bathroom in the hope that a good poop will start the healing process. But that poop, as with the rest of you, is so without moisture that it actually dehumidifies the room upon coming in contact with the outside air. I imagine the feeling as being much like a rusty broadsword slowly pulled from a wounded medieval knight. I’m not sure why the hangover poop helps the hangover, but I suspect that it’s just a distraction. I’d read somewhere that the body has a stimulus threshold, that there’s only so much pain a person can actually feel. The theory states that if someone is in pain, a combination of loud music and blinking lights can actually lessen what the person actually feels since the brain can only process a certain load from the 5 senses. This being said, I think the hangover poop is helpful because it shifts our attention from the top to the bottom of our bodies, but I’m no Neil Patrick Harris…I could be wrong.

posted by Blue Towel @ 8:43 AM