Where I Pooped Today

Double Half Caf Poop

Starbucks and New Jersey have at least one thing in common, both are fully aware and prepared for the fact that people dump their waste there. The bathrooms in most Starbucks are cleaned regularly and far more respected by the patrons than bathrooms found in Kmart or at your local courthouse. There seems to be an unspoken agreement among coffee drinkers that says, “Hey, this triple mocha espresso is going to set forth a deluge of feces that will surely overpower the levy that is my sphincter. When it does, I’ll make sure to make the toilet presentable, removing all evidence of the intestinal onslaught. Just do the same for me in case your time comes first.”

The bathrooms are oversized and with nice fixtures and ample extras. It’s so cool on the inside that I could see jazz great Charlie “Bird” Parker nodding in agreement with the surroundings while squeezing out a few brown notes. But the overly accommodating size makes me a tad suspicious. The privacy wall outside the bathroom door could be too tempting for a young couple looking to explore “danger nookie.” This place looks like the perfect spot for a low-class sexual adventure, and I will wash ever so thoroughly after my bowels are fully evacuated.

posted by Blue Towel @ 9:57 PM